Personality.

We all have one, each & every one of us.
I loved this chapter because we got to learn about our own personalities and the different things that are associated with them. Its like experimenting on ourselves!
I like how the first thing we did was draw a pig. (: The pig drawing activity was actually pretty right, although that's up for debate on the accuracy of it. I drew the pig pretty realistically with detail, with big ears, & towards the middle of the paper facing left. This meant that I was a very open eared person, that I like to listen to people's problems. & I really do actually ! I like helping people out because it gives me a sense of completion & worthiness, like I've actually changed someone's life.
On the project assignment sheet, I saw that we had to look up our 4 letter personality , & I already know what mine is. It's ENTJ , which means extroverted intuitive thinking judging. I took this test during my academy's college counseling, & that's when it said I should look into business as a career. I'm not sure if I'm still an ENTJ, but we'll see when I take the test again. ENTJ's are natural born leaders, very work focused, have very little patience, and are primarily happier in groups. That's totally me. My college counselor at academy was an INTJ, & the only difference was that she was happier being independent than in a group.
Another thing that I thought was really interesting was the thing about finding & using all your potential(it was self-something). I don't have my notes :/ Some people were like Gandhi & Martin Luther King Jr. I really wish I could be like them, for that's what I strive to be. I would love to be able to use my full potential to become someone great, to not worry about what others think about me & to do my own thing. But I also learned that there are a lot of factors that would hinder the ability to reach this stage, such as being put down alot during childhood. That's me. I have a really low self esteem, so I always worry if I'm ever going to be good enough. I'll try to overcome the obstacles that stand in my way & try to be the best that I can be, because when I do, I'll go places. I'll be famous. I'll be happy.

Reflection.

This whole week has been more of a reflection than a lesson for me.
We learned about the development of humans, from childhood to adulthood. Having to write the human development essay as an assignment actually was a good exercise to help me reflect on my past.
Much of what makes me the person I am today is because of how I was raised.
Learning that being clingy is probably due to the anxious resistance as a baby actually makes sense to me. I remember not being encouraged or supported when I was little, and I realized that I'm really clingy to my friends & significant others. I always try to control them, & I have very bad trust issues. This is probably due to the fact that my parents always tried to control me & that whatever I did they never believed.
Another funny thing I learned is that motor skills in females develop faster than males. That would explain a lot because I was always ahead of the class in my early years. I always wondered why boys couldn't draw in the lines.
I find Erikson's stages of psychology pretty accurate, but not always because a lot of them don't apply to me. When we observed the children during that one time during class, I found it very interesting how the different playtime behaviors were pretty common. Taking this class has made me very interested in pursuing a career or degree in psychology because so much of it actually applies to our real lives.
Psychology can be used to teach our children & how to raise them to have them achieve the best that they can. My church on Fridays shows some videos on how to raise children, & I watched one & a lot of it deals with psychology. The video showed how kids that are abused actually develop slower, & that their brain actually is smaller than normal people. I vaguely remember learning that during class, & I was just amazed on how raising the perfect is all based on the parent's actions. The video also showed that how parents resolve conflicts is how the children will react because children mirror their role models.
Today during dinner I noticed that my mom was really negative about everything & I realized that that's why I'm so negative all the time. My friends & ex boyfriends always told me that I needed to look on the bright side, but all my life I've just been negative. I apply psychology to my everyday life now, & I find it so fascinating (:

Perception.

We all look at the world from different perspectives, creating our own unique & individual little world. No 2 people see from the same perspective, which is why many people end up seeing different things. Some people are colorblind, which is probably due to damaged cones. I am color blind in the brown/purple region. I found this out a month ago during history class when Mr. E. told us to look at the purple map and I thought it was brown. I was fascinated by this discovery. I knew a kid in art class that was color blind too, but he was a fantastic artist. In the book, we were supposed to read the section about colors, especially complementary colors. This caught my eye because I knew about this by heart because I used to take art class. This helped me automatically know the quiz answers.  Also, the picture about the after image reminded me of a TV episode in JAG. I discovered after imaging when I was younger because I used to stare off into space often & I would see the image again when I looked away, only fainter & in different colors. I thought that was strange & thought that I was really weird. The TV episode in JAG was about a pilot that was arrested because there was a death during an airplane flight. The man was supposed to jump off the plane and parachute down, but the person they blamed his death on was the man that was supposed to tell the other man when to jump down. After the trial, the timer guy was accused of innocence because he thought that he saw the light turn green ( which signaled when to tell the parachuter to jump ) , when in fact it could have been red. Because red & green are complementary colors, you see one as another as an afterimage. So the judge concluded that the death was accidental because the man could have just saw the after image of the red light & mistaken it was green.
Also, when I was little, I was shown the figure and ground pictures, where you could see figures as background and foreground. As an activity, we were assigned to make our own. I remember as an 6-8 year old girl that I found the assignment to be quite the challenge. To this day I still can't do it because it takes up way too much time to draw. I also used to draw cubes for fun, and often saw that the cube shifted perceptions. This happened pretty recently, & I started worrying because I thought something was wrong with me. After this lesson, I am happy to say that I am now relieved that this is all just psychological, as well much of my behavior. I'm ' introspecting '. In other words, I'm examining my own behavior now & I find psychology to be a fascinating topic . (:

LATE POST ; I DON'T KNOW IF YOU ACCEPT LATE WORK BUT I'M STILL WRITING IT ANYWAYS JUST IN CASE

This week we learned about illusions, and I thought it was really interesting how we can trick our brains into thinking something that isn't true.
Truth is, we can't trust what we see.
& that applies to a lot of the world today: people always judge on looks. There's that saying: Never judge a book by its cover. & that is so true because after learning how easy it is to trick our brain to seeing something completely different, we can't always judge on our sight to help us making inferences to people or things.

The illusions that we looked at tricked our brains to thinking something else. One of the illusions was the Cafe Wall illusion, which is the picture where there horizontal lines seem diagonal when in reality they are parallel. We are tricked by the mere placing of the squares to think that parallel lines are not parallel at all.
So how can we trust what we see in others if we cannot see the truth in a picture?
We can't.
People need to start learning how to judge people not based on looks, but analyzing their characteristics and personality.
A few days ago I was talking to a senior on Facebook. He said this :haha and you're not as intimidating/scary as everyone makes u seem :]
I was shocked. People didn't talk to me or treat me nicely because they thought I was scary looking. & then I felt so bad for these people. They make up rumors about me when they don't know me. It really opened my eyes to how immature people can be.
I used to judge people on their looks, but that was a while ago. I grew up because I knew what it felt like to be completely isolated just because people thought something about me based on my looks, & not who I really was. It hurt a lot, but now I know it's not my fault. It's because people refuse to grow up. Maybe it's because they're afraid to confront their own reality and instead compensate for their inabilities by concluding their assumptions on physical appearance. 
Your eyes can be so easily tricked by a simple rearranging of things. So don't judge a book by its cover, or you'll be in for the surprise of your life.

Force Feeding .

That's one of the most common practices in parents. I remember my mom used to force feed me all the time even though I said I was full. I always thought she was crazy . & maybe she was.
The hypothalamus is a part of the brain in the limbic system of the fore brain. This part of the brain controls appetite as well hunger . In class we learned that as we age, we lose the sense to know when we're full. & THAT IS SO TRUE . I remember being told that the children in Africa could eat the food that I didn't eat. WELL GOOD FOR THEM MOM , I'D GLADLY SHIP OUT MY FOOD TO THEM.
Tonight I told my dad about this, & all my sister did was argue. She always argues with me WHICH GETS SO FREAKIN ANNOYING.
Anyways, I got to thinking maybe that's why some kids are so fat: because their parents feed them too much! Fat adults means they eat a lot of food, & because their appetite is so huge their perception on how much their kids should eat might be a little...off. & when kids say no when parents want them to eat more, parents criticize them. I know my parents did. They always called me ungrateful & a food waster because I was full. I never understood that concept until now. It wasn't my fault. It's theirs. I'm full ; my brain is telling me that already. But because they're losing the feelings to feel full, I get punished.
Anyways, I think I'm not going to do so good on this comp, mainly because of the biology part of the lesson. I really suck at biology. Anything science related turns me off. I MUST SELF FULFILL.
This blog entry is really bad; I can totally tell already.
I have to keep a positive attitude.
"I've never said 'why me?'. That's life. I try to keep a positive attitude. If you start feeling sorry for yourself, that's when it gets bad.”

Hostile Aggression

'The violent behaviors that are intended to cause psychological or physical harm, or both, to another being. Hostile aggression, a form of aggression, stems from feelings of anger.'

I know I am a very angry child. I can tell. I have anger issues & mood swings 24/7. & I know I display hostile aggression; ask anyone.

With my anger, I can intimidate people into apologizing. With my violence, I can make people afraid of me. 

With my hostile aggression, I pushed away my now ex-boyfriend.

Him & I fought constantly, on & off. Mainly about stupid things , but we always butted heads because we both get angry easily . I usually just yelled at him over the phone, & him living in Hawaii doesn't make our fights any easier. When I'm angry, I get really angry. & I need to learn how to control it because when I do blow up, I push everyone away & in his case, he got super mad. I was crying on the phone & he was peeing & I just really got mad/sad because it's like he didn't even care about comforting me & cared more about relieving himself. So I hung up. Then he got super pissed and wrote a Tumblr post saying that I was selfish and I always thought I was right when I wasn't. That to me was the last straw. It's like I couldn't even have my own feelings without being told whether or not they were right or wrong.

Relationships are just so difficult .

I cried the whole day today, at Chinese school & volunteer. He just texted me saying that he missed me. I haven't replied yet because I don't know what to say. I wonder if the 10 minute wait for my reply is hard for him. I want to say I miss him back, but I'm not sure if I should.

Love is really blind .It makes you forgive people of all the wrong things that they've done no matter how bad they were.

I just really need a hug , someone to talk to.

But because I'm not allowed to go out, I can't.

I can't even have a boyfriend so I can't talk to my parents about this.

Life is just so difficult.

Gifts, acts of kindness, physical touch, affirmations, and quality times. These 5 things differ for each person in how much is given based on how much they received from their parents.  I beg to differ.
Growing up, I didn't receive much affection. I didn't receive gifts, except for Christmas or my birthday. Toys were not part of my childhood. I've never owned a video game or gotten a gift just because they felt like giving me one. I didn't receive much acts of kindness. I was mainly yelled at for not being good enough, and rarely got hugs or kisses. Physical touch wasn't a big part of my childhood either. They were always busy doing other things. I RARELY got any affirmation at all. A's weren't good enough . They always compared me to other people, how other children got A+ & I came home with a measly A. They always said that I wasn't trying hard enough when I was. I barely got any quality time either. They didn't sit down and read a book to me. Instead, they shoved me in academy for 10 years because education is more important than love.
Instead of being a bitter, anti-social person, I try to make up for the lack of all of the above by giving them out. I try to buy gifts for people that matter in my life because I want them to feel appreciated. I try to be there for my friends to show that I'm always going to be there for them no matter what. I hug people that make me happy so I can show how much they mean to me. I always try to comfort and support my friends when they're down so they know that someone's always going to be their for them. & I try to hang out with my friends when they're lonely so they know that no matter what, I'm always there.
Why do I do this? I guess I feel a sense of completion, that making up for what I lacked would give me a sense of closure. I spend my day trying to be a good friend; whether its helping someone with a problem or beating someone up that is a problem. I guess I just don't want people to go through the pain I went through; not being able to talk to the people that supposedly matter the most, not having any support in anything you do, being treated like some kind of experiment to control every aspect of, not having a voice in anything that happens, not having someone to give advice, and most importantly having a shoulder to cry on.
People think my life is good. Financially, it is. But socially, family wise? It's far from it. My family doesn't communicate. Sure, my parents are nice. They treat my friends out to eat or act all parent-y around them. But once they leave, it's back to living with strangers. We don't talk when we eat. It's silent. We don't know what goes on in anyone else's day because frankly, no one cares. This family is really detached. I don't even know what my parents did for a living because they never talked about it. My dad recently lost his job, and instead of hugging us & telling us it was going to be okay, he sat us down like employees & said he lost his job then walked off. I'm surprised I'm even socially okay. One would expect me to be some crazy senile person. I guess I hung out with the right people, even though they made wrong decisions. They helped me realize that I'm actually a person, not some robot forced to study day & night. They showed me affection, something that I longed for for years. & it's my turn to give back.

Judgment.

We all have it. As humans we are bound to see others the way we want to, whether based on how we were raised or by experiene. In class we focused mainly on and prejudice, a highly discussed topic in today's society. & as sad as it sounds, we are all racist and prejudice, even in the slightest ways.
You could say I am racist. I know my grandma is. Just a few minutes ago, my grandma picked me up from chinese school. We made a right turn and as soon as we did we were confronted with a road block. Two cars were in the middle of the road, horizontal as to make a wall. They were both apparently trying to make a turn. As stupid as that move was, it was night so we couldn't see the drivers. My grandma automatcially assumed they were indian because we were in Little India.  That could have been a likely possiblity, but as soon as she started saying how stupid indians were at driving, I got a little disappointed. I thought she would be mature enough as to not jump to conclusions the way she did. She didn't know for sure that they were Indian. They could have been Chinese, Caucasian, or African.
My mother is another case of being racist and prejudice. Whenever African Americans, Hispanics, Indians, or homosexuals are brought up, my mother automatically looks down on them. If I have any friends that are what I listed above, she automatically thinks the worse. If I watch a show consisting of mainly African Americans, she makes me change the channel because its a 'bad influence.' I was watching Modern Family a few months ago, and they showed a gay couple. My mother told me to change the channel, and when I questioned her action she said that it was a bad influence and I shouldn't be watching it. She went even further as to say that the Bible says that we should homosexuals. I stayed up for a few hours on Google looking for answers as to see if this was true. The Bible states that we are to love everyone, despite their actions and sins. Christians DO NOT gay people. That is a common misconception. However, the Bible states as to not act upon gay intentions such as sleeping with another man if you are a man, and vice versa for the other gender. I think this is fair because our bodies are created for a man and woman, not for a man and man. But that's another story.
I am racist too. I have an issue with Indians. Not that I don't like them, but I just feel weird around them. I know this is wrong, and I have tried to change my attitude.
We did an activity in class about listing all the things we thought about certain people. I admit I went overboard. For a while, there was a thrill in making fun of others because it made me feel better.  Then I realized I was going back to my bully stage( which started in around 6th grade) , & I later stopped.
Whenever people say racist things, I always tell them to stop. I tell them that is wrong because it is. & they need to know that. I sometimes tell racist jokes, and even though I don't mean it, my words could hurt someone.   I get really offended when people say 'oh she's black she must be stupid', or other racist things. I know what it's like to be judged without other people knowing me.
Lots of people think I'm a stupid shallow bitch because of my appearance. I am anything but that. & I find it so...funny how people think they're so cool when they judge people like that when in reality they're just ignorant, immature people. Our generation is a really horrible one, and I hope people realize it and try to help us. God knows we need it.

BLAH.

I took my 2nd AP Psych test this week. I really believed that I got an A & it turns out I got a B. The whole time that I was studying I kept thinking to myself: I'm going to ace this test. I'm going to get an A and make myself proud. To my despair, this was not the case. This reminded me about the self fulfillment idea, the idea how if you say your day is going to be bad, it will happen. Then why didn't it happen to me? Why, after all the self encouragement and motivation that I could get an A, did I get a B? Is this theory wrong then? Or is there something to do with how far you can self fulfill your own life? 

Self fulfillment is a mentality: it's all in the brain. If you think you can do it, then you will do it. Then is my mentality wrong? Is there an error in my judgement and way of thinking ? Is that why whenever I believe I can do something, it becomes the complete opposite? Maybe overconfidence can get in the way of everything, but who is to say what overconfidence is? Who is to say that we can expect too much from ourselves, that our optimism is far too great for our own good? Who makes up these rules, these opinionated ideas that control our society? I think the world should start a change by stopping this pressure to conform to society. We are in control of our perspective in life, and if someone should tell me to change it I'll give them the finger. I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul.

OKAY .

SO ,
this week what really struck out to me was the astrology and horoscopes thing, about how it's not real & its purely fictional. What really surprised me was the fact that my horoscope really applied to my life. My horoscope said that I will deal with some really rough times & that my decision making should help me get through it.
That day, I broke up with my boyfriend of 7 months.
I loved him, yes I know. How can someone know love in high school?
But then again, how can some one measure the maturity & ability to love in the first place?
I realized that love is blind.
Never go into a relationship thinking that if you stick it through things will get better.
I tried to stick it through. We fought on & off , and about 4 months into the relationship I tried breaking it off so many times but he pleaded me not to. He said that he would never be able to live without me. That was such a burden : to know that my existence in someone's life determined their fate.
But I broke it off because I realized he wasn't what I wanted.
I always tried to change him, his attitude , his actions. He was more of a project than anything.
& I was sick of it. I wanted a more responsible and more mature boyfriend.
I met a guy on Tumblr a few days before I broke up with my boyfriend at the time.
& that guy was what my ex wasn't .
I realized that maybe my parents had a point of not letting me go into a relationship, that I would just set myself up for heartbreak & pain. This week has been very hard in letting go, but I have. They should have told me their reasons though instead of restricting me.
Life is all about communication.
Without it, there is no meaning.

So we watched this clip by Katie Couric about how supposedly our brains are wired to be good people, to have morals & a conscience. That really caught my attention because it reminded me of God & how we're all made in the image of Him. God's heart is a good heart: it's pure and compassionate. I think this just proves that God exists because He shaped our hearts to be like his, & because scientists found evidence that people are born with a certain amount of goodness suggests that God really did create us. :O I'M NOT SURE IF YOU CATCH MY DRIFT. I suck at explaining things. & after the clip I just was so amazed that these scientists can't see the relationship between their science & Christianity.
Then we were given an assignment to write to a US soldier about our lessons in Psych & I just felt so honored to be writing to someone that's risking their his/her life for my safety. When I get the chance to write to them, I'll write to them about everything(of course everything happy). I want them to feel like their not alone, like how I feel alot of the time even though I'm kinda not really not. I want them to feel like nothing bad is gonna happen, that they'll come back to America & be with their family for a long time. But the reality is that when they come back, they might suffer from PTSD. :/ I saw an episode of Lie to Me about someone who suffered from PTSD. The guy had a handgun in his room, & during a lightning/thunder storm, he thought that he was back in the war, fighting for his life. He told his kid to stay in his room, & when he went downstairs his kid sneaked up on him.  The father fired his gun, almost hitting the child. This guy suffered from PTSD, & he kept thinking someone was trying to kill him. Learning about PTSD really scared me because these veterans are roaming around the streets, lonely & scared & possibly suffering from PTSD. They could be dangerous & they need psychiatric help & no one's doing anything to help the people that are fighting for our safety.

Near the Cerritos Mall, I saw this homeless guy that held up a sign: Veteran. Hungry. My heart sank as we drove away from this man because after serving his country, his country did not serve him. Instead, we as Americans abandon them after their service, & I think it's so selfish of us. Why are we not protecting them from hunger & poverty when they protect us from being bombed out of existence? When I get a job, I will help every homeless person I can, & help fund for a foundation that takes care of veterans. AHHA , this sounds like the bargaining part of the 5 stages of PTSD.
Speaking of the stages of PTSD, I noticed that I also went through those stages during a very hard experience of my life. I got into trouble with the school, & first I tried to deny it like nothing was going to happen. & I remember praying to God (I was aethiest at that time) that if He really was there, He wouldn't get this guy expelled from the district & have his life ruined, but rather just get kicked out of Whitney & go to another school. After days of praying & crying, I promised to God that if He did so, I would become Christian. Lo and behold, I am a Christian now. 
“Some people are afraid of what they might find if they try to analyze themselves too much, but you have to crawl into your wounds to discover where your fears are. Once the bleeding starts, the cleansing can begin.”