Oh my. It has been forever since I've written a blog entry. Lately, life has been tremendously stressful, due to my lack of sleep with the boyfriend and what not & stress due to the many tests I have coming up. Teachers tend to cram all the projects and tests at once...which does not help at all. I have 3 SAT 2's next Saturday, then the ACT again the following Saturday. Oh, & prom is tomorrow!(: I'm very excited about that.
I noticed my moods been changing lately: crying more, cranky, irritated easily. Not very good for a girl like me. The meditation exercises in class have been helping a lot. It's really hard to completely clear my mind though. My grandpa can do it because he's meditated a lot. I walked in on him once, standing up and meditating. I asked my dad what he was doing and my dad said that he completely clears his mind and stays like that for a few hours and then he becomes more happier and healthier. Strange how mentality influences the physical part. During the exercises today, I couldn't NOT think. I'm always thinking; my mind's a never ending cycle of "what if's" and "how come".
*Oh..no. Okay. I am very freaked out even though this is completely random but there is a HUGE daddy long leg spider next to me & I'm really scared to move because I don't want it to move & I have a very big phobia of bugs so I think I'm gonna cry T______________________________T Help.
Anyway...the exercise today about writing for 15 minutes about our thoughts really helped. I honestly thought that only 5 minutes had passed by. I tend to bottle things up..which is weird because I used to just be very open about my emotions. I guess I've noticed that people don't really care about my problems or that my view point doesn't agree with theirs so they look annoyed and tell me I'm wrong. So I just shove it away into a huge pit that I have of secrets and hate. & writing actually helped release a lot of the stress I had from this huge pit. I got to empty out everything..well all that I could within the amount of time given. & I threw my parents & my boyfriend into the ocean..& I felt really bad so I took them back & I just sat there not knowing what to do. Sigh. I'm very distressed...I just want to go to a far away place & just cry..
Anyway. Yeah. Hopefully things turn out better(:
